I’ve noticed that I’ve been washing my hands more lately, that things are triggering a need to wash my hands and that I’m giving in to those triggers more often. This scares me. I need to be careful and work on not giving in. But like today I washed my hands quite a few times that I probably didn’t really need to. But it really felt like I needed to in that moment. And just going ahead and washing seemed easier than waiting out the need.
I’ve been having such a difficult time lately with depression. Therapy is so hard. But I’ve been holding on to all the progress I made in OCD therapy, and that helps me keep working on depression stuff in therapy. I keep remind myself that I got better, that I got control of OCD.
I’ve known through the whole fight that I wouldn’t always be able to keep full control of OCD. I’ve known that someday, OCD with take over again, to some degree, and that I’d have to fight it off again. But I want that someday to be way far in the future, years away. I don’t want that someday to be now. So I have to nip this behavior in the bud.
I can do this. I know I can. This is so little compared to what I overcame before. So little.
But I’m still scared.