I haven’t wanted to post because it’s not a good OCD week. It’s not necessarily bad, but it’s not good. After being all gung-ho in my last post, I didn’t want the next one to be a pity party. Oh well!
I’m having a hard time with my new homework (cutting down on the hand sanitizer at work). I thought it was doable, but thus far it has not been. It doesn’t help that this week is super stressful already. The first week I was there, we had roughly 8-10 kids per class. Last week it was 10-12 kids per class. This week it’s 13-17 kids per class. There are four classes and one of the lead teachers is on vacation this week, leaving us short-handed. I can’t believe it’s only Tuesday! Who wants to get drinks on Friday at oh, say, 1:30 p.m.? I am going to need it! So this extra stress is making it harder for me to resist using hand sanitizer. I keep needing to relieve my anxiety, even if only for a moment. It also didn’t help that today I had less access to the teacher’s workroom (aka the place with the only sink not contaminated by little children and their poor hygiene).
I am still too stressed out about contamination in my own home, too. I want to clean so badly, but household chemicals can contaminate, too. I really don’t want to come in contact with any of it. I bought some bathroom cleaner with bleach in it recently, but was afraid of using it. I finally gave in an used it on my bathroom sink. Even with gloves on, I still had a lot of anxiety. I intended to tackle the bathtub that day, too, but didn’t make it that far. Maybe this weekend. I’m really nervous about the bathtub. I don’t actually touch the sink when I use it, so any residue of bleach won’t get on me. I come in contact with the bathtub, though.
And something is messing with my sleep. I don’t know if it’s related to any of this or not. Until recently, I haven’t had huge problems with falling asleep or staying asleep. I go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning. The last few nights, I have lain in bed for an hour or two, unable to go to sleep. Not surprisingly, this has made getting up in the morning more difficult. I have been late to work the past two days because I keep hitting the snooze button and end up getting up too late. Luckily, most of the other teachers are usually just as late as me, so it’s not a big deal.
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I guess I shouldn’t feel like crap just because I haven’t done great on the one homework assignment. I have worked on things this week. Yesterday, I pet my cat and was able to wait 20 minutes before washing my hands. I was unable to use that hand for anything else for that 20 minutes, but waiting that long was still tough.
I had to cut back a tiny bit on the inositol because I almost ran out. On Friday, I ordered 227 grams from BulkNutrition.com. I didn’t think it would get here so fast, but it came in today! Sweet! So tonight it’s back up to where I was.
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Enough with the frustration. I had a very exciting weekend! My best friend had her first baby and he is the most adorable baby in the world. I will fight you if you dare to disagree with me. I got to visit them in the hospital, which meant I was not only allowed, but encouraged to wash and sanitize my hands. It was great except for the fact that it was a hospital, which means lots of contamination. At least it wasn’t the sick part of the hospital! I still felt icky in the elevators since they were used by everyone. So anyway, I managed to stay in the room (though I did move across the room) during a couple of diaper changes. My friend’s husband grossed me out by changing a diaper and then sitting down to finish his dinner (“I’m using a fork to eat, not my hands”). Gross!