Back to OCD: A Warning and an Update

Normal OCD post today.  My 31DBBB challenge today is to promote a post, so that doesn’t require writing a challenge-specific post.  Anyway, this one may be difficult to get through for fellow OCDers.  Any moms reading will probably think it’s nothing compared to what they deal with every day (and they’ll be right).

Inositol: A Warning

I’ve had an interesting few days.  I ordered some more inositol in bulk recently.  It was scheduled to be delivered on Monday.  I ran out of my supply on Saturday.  Clearly, I am horrible at estimating things.  On Monday, UPS claimed to have delivered it, but they delivered it to the wrong place.  I didn’t get my package until Tuesday.  So that’s two days without any inositol.  I figured that two days wasn’t too much time, so I took the full dose on Tuesday.

I’m going to pause here and offer some advice to anyone who is taking or is thinking about taking inositol in high doses for OCD: If you go a day or two without taking any, DO NOT immediately go back to taking a full dose.  Your digestive system will punish you severely.  I have been dealing with the repercussions for a good 24 hours and I’m about to tear my intestines out.  It’s not pretty.  Please learn from my mistake.

As a result, I won’t be hitting the full 12 gram dose any time soon.  Today I’m backing down to around 7 grams and seeing how that goes.  Hopefully my body will be more forgiving tonight.  I really don’t want to go all the way back down.  I am never skipping a day ever again!  Such a pain!

Preschoolers and Faulty Valves

We’re short-handed at the preschool this week.  I feel like I have spent at least 2/3 of each day taking kids to the bathroom because three of the four lead teachers have been depending on me for bathroom trips.  Taking kids to the bathroom does not cause me the super high levels of anxiety it did when I first started.  Habituation is amazing!  But it’s lame spending that much time in the bathroom instead of playing fun games with the kids in class.

Yesterday, all three teachers were needing me to take kids to the bathroom at the same time.  In the middle of trying to get each group of kids to the bathroom before they had accidents, a little girl in one of the classes had one.  Of course, the teacher wanted me to deal with it even though I still had 10 other kids who were doing the if-I-don’t-pee-right-now-we’re-going-to-have-a-problem dance.  Also, there is another assistant teacher there who wasn’t doing anything at the time.  So she got to clean up the urine-soaked preschooler.

My relief was short-lived because then there was another accident in another class.  This was about 2394230498 times worse than most accidents because it wasn’t pee.  That’s right.  This five-year-old boy pooped in his pants.  And on his shoes.  And on the floor.  And smelled up the hallway between the bathroom and my classroom.  Yeah.  Again, I was actually really busy so clean up didn’t fall to me.  That and the teacher involved already knows that pee is really stressful for me, so she didn’t even ask me to deal with this one.  I love her.  Still, my anxiety just being in the vicinity was extremely high.

I still have a long way to go, but this job really has sped up my progress.  I only have a month left.  I didn’t think I would make it this long.  I thought this job would send me to the loony bin.  Instead, it has made me immeasurably stronger.

There you have it.  Tuesday was the epitome of a shitty day, but it didn’t send me into the panic it would have a couple of months ago.

Homework Update

To avoid ending on a yucky note, I’ll update you on my progress as far as ERP homework this week.  I’m still avoiding doing exposures with my cats and I don’t know why.  I’m actually avoiding most of my exposure homework this week.  I can’t decide if I’m just being lazy or what.  Luckily, my therapist is on vacation this week, so I have another week to get on the ball so I actually have something to report next time I see her.

I have, however, been keeping track of the number of times I wash my hands each day.  I didn’t manage to start until Sunday, but the important thing is that I did start.  The numbers have actually been a lot lower than I expected, but are still a bit higher than normal.  Here’s the count so far:

Sunday: 33
Monday: 35
Tuesday: 32
Today so far: 21

So it seems that I wash my hands about twice as much as what is considered normal.  Not bad.  It used to be a lot more.  We’ll see how the rest of the week goes.  How many times a day do you think you wash your hands?

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10 thoughts on “Back to OCD: A Warning and an Update

  1. Wow! Sounds like you’re getting great unplanned exposure! What a great environment for you to confront your OCD. You are brave for sticking with it despite the inherent challenges of your job!

    I can relate to sometimes just not doing homework and not knowing why. The exposures seem so simple sometimes, but I think what I don’t always realize is that, even if the exposures seem easy intellectually, part of me still fears doing the homework. Sometimes I’m better at keeping up with them than others.

    Interesting that you keep track of the number of times you wash your hands in a day. I haven’t done that much, mostly because that would require me to somehow keep track! For me I think it really varies depending on the day and the day’s activities. Sometimes the number of times I wash my hands in a day probably borders on “normal,” but the situations in which I wash are still often abnormal, so number of times may not always be the best indicator for me! I may have to keep track sometimes just for the sake of curiosity!

    1. I’m only keeping track because my therapist asked me to this week. She wants a number to work with, which I’m assuming means I’m going to have to start cutting back on that number pretty soon.

  2. So glad to hear you’re making progress!

    In response to your question, I estimate that I wash my hands about 20 times per day…I should probably count for a few days, to see…

  3. I wash my hands far too often. It depends on the environment I’m in too, if I’m around a lot of clutter, I tend to wash more. I realize it’s less to do with whether my hands need washing, and more about me feeling like I have some control over the situation around me.

    Found you on SITS. 🙂

    1. Do you have OCD? You don’t have to answer if you won’t want, of course. The concept of washing as semblance of control is pretty common for those of us with OCD. It feels like washing gives me control over a situation, but really OCD is in control if I’m performing cleaning rituals.

      I love SITS! I’ll stop by your blog soon!

      1. I have only given in to washing my hands once because of feeling contaminated. I just couldn’t bear it any longer. It felt so much better afterwards, but I felt disappointed in myself at the same time. I usually manage with a sort of shudder, mainly mental, partly physical, involving the affected area. Talk about sounding mental! This is the first time I’ve ever admitted this to anyone.

  4. Elly,

    I started the discussion on Blog Frog about guest posting. You expressed an interest (Cool!), so I came to your site to get an e-mail address so I could follow-up with you about it. I’m looking to compile a master list of all interested bloggers to send out to everyone who responds to people can take it from there contacting one another to write and accept guest posts. So…if you’re still interested, could you shoot me a quick e-mail at alamoreaux@bellsouth.net? I look forward to hearing from you!

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