Tired

Today I’m feeling completely unmotivated.  I’m tired of exposures.  I’m tired of beating myself up every time I wash my hands.  I’m tired of forcing myself into anxiety-inducing situations.  I’m tired of being stressed out.  I’m tired of trying to fight OCD.

I know my motivation will return, but for today, I’m just tired.

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16 thoughts on “Tired

  1. People who haven’t been there can’t possibly imagine the mental and emotional fight that you are going through. Even I have only watched it from the outside as my husband deals with it.

    You’re doing a great job. It’s normal to want a break sometimes. It’s exhausting.

    Your motivation will return. Rest well.

  2. I certainly know how those kind of days feel. Hang in there. You have done some amazing work. Give yourself a break, and try to enjoy that break. My therapist always tells me, if I’m going to take the time off from doing exposures, then to do it in style :). Do something you enjoy instead, if you can and have time. We fellow OCD sufferers are out here cheering you on!

    Hope things get better. You’re certainly allowed to feel unmotivated sometimes. Just don’t beat yourself up for it, if you can help it!

      1. Hmm, the link has vanished! Go to OCD-UK’s website, and scroll down till you see the article entitled “Children with OCD Support Group and Event”. There’s a picture there by a girl called Eva. It mentions her towards the end of the article.

  3. I don’t have OCD but have had panic disorder w/agoraphboia since I was 13. I also have the problem with germs, depending on the day. Exposures take a LOT out of you physically and mentally, you deserve time to rest and recuperate. If I don’t get that time out when I need it, things will get ugly.

    One thing I’ve learned with this is saying NO to the things I really just do not want to do. Things that wouldn’t be enjoyable to me if I was fine, things that I’m just doing out of obligation, I find those are always worse than the things I actually would like to do. Like I hate crowds, anxiety or not, I don’t want to be in them. Celebrate achievements and ignore set-backs, I know, way easier said than done! You are doing great, and believe me there are people who understand…I find no one wants to talk about it, until you open up, and it all comes out1

    1. This is why I love blogging. It’s amazing how many people understand the things I post about. I had NO idea that would be the case when I started. Amazing!

      My therapist told me from the beginning that there would be good weeks and bad weeks and that I should focus on the good weeks and just accept that bad weeks are inevitable. Definitely easier said than done. The past few days, I just feel like throwing in the towel–not because I can’t do it, but because I just don’t want to do it. I’m going to take everyone’s advice and just take a break. I have been going going going on exposures since I started. Time for a breather.

  4. Hey Elly! Dallas / Fort Worth! Howdy neighbor!

    You have EGANMDARICIED: Google it!
    Excess Glutamate Activated N-methyl D-aspartate Receptor Increasing Choline Inducing Excitotoxicity Disease

    I have relabeled OCD to:
    Over-Coming-Dysfunction

    Yeah! You Know Me! I’m down with OCD! Over-Coming-Dysfunction(s)

  5. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this exhaustion! I know that I am really hard on myself when I do compulsion, and that makes me even more tired. My therapist believes I can’t beat the OCD out of me by being unrelenting in my demands on myself–he has advocated self-compassion, which is even harder. . .but it does make a big difference in my energy level if I don’t divert into berating myself for screwing up.

    1. Yes, I can’t tell you how many times I have heard (from many people) that I need to be easier on myself. I guess they all figure that if they tell me enough times I’ll get it. I don’t know how to be easier on myself, though! I just don’t know how. I guess it’s something you can learn, but I have yet to learn it. Maybe one of these days it’ll finally sink in.

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