Battling the Toilet

Considering where I have been with OCD lately (and by that I mean letting it run my life), I just managed a pretty major feat.  No, forget what I said about considering where I have been with OCD lately.  This is a pretty big deal regardless of my regression.  This would have been a big deal this summer.

You ready?

I cleaned a toilet AND I used bleach to do it (well, it’s Clorox Cleanup, so there is bleach in it)!  Two of my biggest contamination fears.  To be clear, I do clean my toilets on a regular basis–not as often as normal people do, but they do get cleaned.  I do not, however, use bleach because bleach terrifies me.  I am feeling a little shaky and panicky right now, but I did it.  Oh, AND I only washed my hands 3 times afterward.  That’s right, only a few times and I managed to avoid the magic number 4, another compulsion.

As high as my anxiety got, it feels really good to have done something so big against OCD.  I haven’t been fighting it much lately.  It’s definitely good to remember what it feels like to fight and win a battle.

And with that, I’m going to go take a long, hot shower to wash all the yuckiness off!

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7 thoughts on “Battling the Toilet

  1. OCD is so funny. I’m a bleach fiend. It kills germs!! I just ignore what it might be doing to me at the same time.
    Glad to see you’re doing some exposures. It’s really really easy to backslide with OCD (I do it all the time),but you have to keep working!

    1. I just fear cleaning chemicals the same way I fear germs. Some people with OCD love bleach and others are afraid of it. It’s all OCD, so it doesn’t make sense. Bleach is dangerous, but I am irrationally afraid of it.

  2. Congratulations! Pushing yourself past your comfort zone is so hard, no matter what you’re facing. It’s especially difficult when your rational brain understands that it makes no sense.

    Way to work!

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