Part of the reason I have not been updating is that I have not been doing well. It was fun to post when things were going well. But things have not been well for awhile and so I haven’t really felt like sharing. I should anyway, but I haven’t.
I haven’t been doing my therapy homework. I haven’t wanted to. I haven’t wanted to do much of anything. I have just been giving in to OCD and feeling really helpless. I just don’t feel like I am making any progress. When I look at where I was when I started therapy in June and then look at where I am now, I see there is progress. But it’s so little and so slow that it’s less than encouraging.
Anyway, so I had a therapy session today and I told my therapist how I have been feeling. She asked how I felt about trying medication. I have been against taking medication, so I related my past experience with OCD meds to her.
When I was diagnosed about 11 years ago, I tried Paxil and Celexa (not simultaneously). I hated both of them, especially Paxil. There were too many bad side effects. At the time, my OCD was not so bad that I couldn’t manage it on my own, so I decided to forgo medication.
But now I am having trouble dealing on my own. Medication would help me make better and faster progress in therapy. It would take a bit of the load off of my back. I always thought I could manage on my own, but it has gotten so much harder over the years. I thought I could do therapy without medication, but I had no idea how hard or how slow it would be. It can be difficult not to get down on myself on a regular basis. I am tired of feeling like a failure.
So I have decided to give medication another try. My therapist said the ones I tried when I was 12 years old are no longer prescribed for OCD because of the side effects. She wants me to try Prozac. She said it should not negatively affect my schoolwork. She thinks it will, instead, make school less stressful. The only side effect she thinks I should look out for is sleep problems. This makes me nervous because I have had trouble sleeping for years, on and off. But I’m going to give it a try. She wants me to start at a really low dose, 10 mg.
Part of me feels like I’m giving up. Part of me feels like this is just another form of failure. I am trying not to think like that, though, because it’s not defeat. I just need help. And that’s ok, right? Hopefully I will feel better about this decision. Hopefully it will help. I’m just afraid.
So we’ll see. I will try to write more once I start taking it. I will have a lot to process. So I hope to be around here more. I have to go get a prescription this week. I hope this is not a mistake.
Have any of you OCDers taken Prozac in the past or do you take it now? If so, what do you think of it? How has it worked (or not) for you?