When dealing with chronic illness (mental and physical) it’s so easy to feel self-pity and anger. These can be consuming emotions, and it’s the easiest thing to get lost in them. The question is how to get out of that and feel something else. Unfortunately, I haven’t figure that out yet.
I get so mad when I think about my health. I have both mental and physical chronic illnesses. I have major chronic pain. I’m too young to need all the medication I’m on (in addition to psych and phys therapies). It’s embarrassing! What the hell did I do to deserve all this? Every moment of every day is a struggle against all of it.
And I hate complaining so much because I have a great life. I have so much to be happy about, but the constant pain and anxiety and helplessness doesn’t allow me to fully enjoy the great parts of my life. If OCD doesn’t scream at me not to do something, then my back or neck will make it difficult and painful to move. If not that, then I’ll have trouble breathing. Recently, my body decided that crap wasn’t enough, so it decided to change how it digests some foods. So much fun!!
And after getting worked up in a fury, all I can think about is how this is probably as good as it gets. I’m in my twenties, the supposed peak of my health and ability. I’m barely an adult. Both the physical and mental struggles will only get worse and more difficult to deal with as I get older. That’s not a very bright future. Hard to get excited about. I have so many other wonderful things to look forward to, but they’re all under a really dark cloud that seems inescapable.
I don’t want a pity party. I’m not asking for that. I just need to express these feelings sometimes. I hate feeling sorry for myself, but sometimes it seems impossible to escape despair.
How do you deal with these feelings? How do you get past them?