Off Meds

I’m off Prozac this week. Sometimes I feel like that’s a terrible idea, but most of the time I think I’m ready. It’ll still take it a little while to work its way completely out of my system, but no new Prozac is going into my system.  I’m very nervous.

Some OCD stuff has definitely come back. The things that have come back as problems have been interesting. While the major stuff I’ve done recently (cans, thrifting, etc.) still isn’t a big deal, smaller stuff is getting to be stressful again. Fighting the small stuff—the daily stuff—has always been hard. But I’ve already proven I can do it, so I just have to keep pushing forward and not accept these minor set-backs. And they’re barely set-backs because I’m trying my damnedest not to let them set me back.

I almost caved and got a new tiny bottle of hand sanitizer to keep in my purse. I can’t find the one I stashed in my bathroom cabinet. I was really about to start carrying it again this weekend. I wanted it.  But I must have thrown it into the back of the cabinet because it has disappeared.

I’ve had to actively resist buying a new little bottle. It’s been difficult, but I think it’s about to pay off. I’m still doing fine without it—on a rational level. I just keep having to remind myself of that.

The biggest struggle has been keeping my mouth shut around other people. I am so desperately determined not to let OCD affect those around me like it used to. I’m tired of other people having to put up with my OCD. It’s been nice having that giant elephant removed from the room. I want to keep it out.

But oh how I’ve wanted to ask people to wash their hands this past week or two. So many times.

All of that is definitely manageable, though. Just a little perseverance, and I’ll be on top of all of it again.

The bigger problem lately has been my dermatillomania. It’s out of control again. The increased stress of getting off meds and dealing with more OCD is wearing me out a bit, and my fingers are paying for it. In addition to the usual finger picking, I got a slew of mosquito bites recently that I couldn’t leave alone, so now I have scabs all over my feet and calves. It’s embarrassing.

Typing this, I’m painfully aware of what a problem it is. My fingers are sore. I went to town on them earlier while I was watching TV. Half of them were bleeding momentarily.

This is the one thing I’ve never made any kind of significant progress with. I tried a few different tactics for awhile with no success.

I’ve got to get a handle on it, though. It’s driving me insane.


10 thoughts on “Off Meds

  1. Elly, I’ve been keeping up with your blog for a long time now. Ever since I was diagnosed with OCD. You are such an inspiration getting off prozac. I don’t know how I would function without my SSRI. Anyway, I am SO sorry you are struggling with picking again. I have had bouts that were so severe before, that my legs looked like I had a disease, and it all began with Mosquitos in the summer. Hang in there, you can get through this again. I can proudly say that I currently have healed legs and the scarring has even lightened a lot. Now my fingers are another story. I just chewed them to pieces tonight, but I would rather have that, than full on body picking. Anyway, I’m rambling, but I just want you to know you are in good company and have support and understanding from me:)

    1. My legs currently look diseased, all from mosquitos. It’s really embarrassing. I’m trying so hard to keep neosporin on them and not pick at them, but it’s hard.

      Thank you so much for the encouragement and support! And thank you for commenting. I hope my blog can continue to be helpful. Connecting with others who suffer from OCD is so important. It makes the struggle just a little bit more manageable.

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